Kestrel the Druid

It took a very painful fight, but this weekend I discovered the biggest part of my shadow is my spirituality. I had to keep my magical gifts hidden as a child due to my very religious upbringing. And then after getting married, I pushed it down even further out of fear for my children and husband. Now that I have finally come to terms with that part of myself it is wreaking havoc in my life.

I am uncomfortable with those I’ve known for decades seeing me do my work. And when I meet new people, I’m afraid to show my true self out of fear of ridicule and rejection. Even with people who are on a similar spiritual path, it feels awkward and uncomfortable, painful even.

I used to ridicule those who talked about raising vibrations, talking to plants, and full moon rituals. Now here I am, doing all the same things. It can be very difficult to confront that aspect of yourself that you’ve most denied. How does one even start? Acknowledging? Possibly, but it seems heretical to acknowledge it internally but not profess your beliefs. Maybe start with trusted friends and family? These same people who used to call the psychic a scam artist and the spiritual vegan crazy? Doesn’t seem like a safe place. Maybe go online and meet like-minded people? How do you know they are who they say they are. Again, not very safe. Especially with the trolls on the internet these days.

The truth is many of us feel completely and utterly alone on this journey. We don’t know who to talk to, nor where to turn. I am discovering to keep my relationships and my sanity, I will need to open up more. This is not easy to do. Especially for me.