Kestrel the Druid

Today was an emotional meditation. I was meditating on gratitude. Then I heard a voice say that my heart was not full of gratitude. It was full of anger. I was then shown how anger comes from pain. Every time I get angry at someone or something, it is because of a pain somewhere in my heart. I was then allowed to just feel pain for a short period of time. I felt a lightening of my heart when this was over. I also realized that I not only feel the pain inflicted on me, but also the pain I inflict on others as well. Decades of trust broke and festered. This left me with a pain so deep. It will take eons of work to bring it all to the surface. Finally, after the work is done it can be released.

Imagine if you have a cut. Instead of allowing the cut to heal, you constantly pick at it and reopen it. It will never heal. It will most likely get infected and eventually create an ugly scar. The scar will then constantly itch, and ache. This is how emotional pain works. The good news is that emotional pain can still be healed decades later. The scar can be removed through work and understanding. I am hoping through this work, that I can finally let go of the pain and anger I’ve been holding onto for my entire life.