Kestrel Two Feet

It was almost a year ago that I started writing this blog. I started out all excited and writing every day. Then it slowed down to every few days. Then once a week. And now I’m having a hard time coming with things to write about.

When I started my spiritual journey, I knew my life was about to change. But I didn’t realize how hard that would be and to what extent it would change. I didn’t realize that it would change the way I eat, and the way I breath. I didn’t anticipate the arguments I would have with my husband. I didn’t anticipate the rabbit holes I would go down. It all became too much. I had to set everything aside, and live without it for several weeks.

I thought it would just be like flipping a switch, now I’m “on”, now I’m “off”. But it wasn’t like that at all. I felt lost without it. I became physically ill and mentally unfocused. Everything became harder. Some might call my experience the “Dark Night of the Soul”. I don’t feel that it was a true dark night. I’ve been through much darker experiences in my past. It was revealing though, in telling me where my true beliefs lie.

So today, I’m starting over. I’m recommitting myself to my spiritual practices. But I’m going to start smaller and focus on one thing at a time. I’m going to find a way to work my life around my spirituality, instead of the other way around.

I still anticipate more setbacks in the future. But I know they will help me learn where to go and how to get there.